It's Been a While

I haven't blogged in a while. Admittedly, one reason I haven't is because I forgot my login name and password...and actually I couldn't remember what website I was blogging through. That last line makes me sound like I have the capacity of a chipmunk.  But to be fair, I haven't blogged since December and forgot login information because life has been a little...crazy.  I have also come to learn that my writing comes in waves.  If you are a creative soul like me, you will understand this blog (well hopefully, this is my attempt to explain creative release). For those of us who have a talent, or passion, or creative energy, you understand that it manifests and materializes in uniquely personal ways. For me, I have learned that my writing is what heals me and that it demands release at very particular times. Sometimes when life feels like it's crashing down, I can hardly muster the energy to deal with the day to day...much less feed any creative passion that's tucked away inside of me. But I am always aware that there are tiny specks of blue desperate to seep through the black and grey.  For me, it's when dark begins to subside that I suddenly cannot hold back my words. They start pouring over the threshold of my soul with the thunderous power of a waterfall.  It is, for me, when I can materialize my struggles, bring meaning to the challenges that have held me hostage that the words burst out of my heart's cage. It's not really ever in the heat of the moment, but in the quiet aftermath that my soul cries for writing. I suppose, it is for me, how I begin the process of coping with my struggles and moving forward with my life.  So, my creative counterparts, I know you get this...if you are a dancer, singer, painter, whatever it may be...the urge is not always there...but your passion is so connected to the inner you, to your soul, that it becomes an extension of you in very particular moments. Perhaps, like me,  it is your coping mechanism.  Somedays you can't sing...and somedays it's all you can do to make it through.  Some days your feet are too tired and then there are days that if you do not dance, your feel like you will burst out of your own body.  In the last six months I have not had the energy to write...but lately, it's as if I'm craving it.  Or, I suppose, my soul is craving it.

I used to curse at my writing gift. I mean, really it would have been much more useful if I had a talent that could actually score me some dough or popularity points.  I would have appreciated being more athletic...okay, the word more implies I was athletic at all, let me rephrase that...I would have appreciated being athletic. Maybe even amazingly good at math, like Rain Man.  Hell,  I would have traded this talent for a good set of pipes to beat box.

I used to think this was such a useless talent...

Now I know God granted me a connection to words because this is how I navigate my world. This is how I make sense of life's senselessness.  Words heal me. Words make souls tangible, emotions visible...they restore beauty in ugliness, establish hope in darkness, lift broken souls, inspire love, motivate, rejuvenate,  and replenish.

I don't know just how long this wave will last, but I do know tonight I feel myself standing at the mouth of that waterfall and the words are ready to spill over.  I also know somewhere out there tonight a broken girl is dancing alone to steady beat, and a songwriter is immortalizing his broken heart with every strum of his guitar. There is an artist lashing out on the blank canvas with deep red rues.  Dance. Sing. Write. Whatever it may be, embrace it and let it pull you through...I know that's what my words do for me.